Leper on Society

     It is no misconception that people look down on those on welfare/food stamps/public assistance. I myself had a poor attitude to those who were on these programs. Wait, nix that. I had a poor attitude towards those who ABUSE these programs. The people who are able to work and refuse to. The people who get a house for cheap prices because they are on welfare, while I struggle to keep my head afloat in a newer trailer that I am buying. People who sell their food stamps (or however that works) so they can get alcohol or illegal substances. People who do not need grants for education, but lie on applications so that they get "free money". 

     I now see how these poor attitudes and stereotypes hurt those people who genuinely need the assistance. I now understand why it is a difficult thing to swallow your pride and admit you are not making it, due to some unforeseen circumstance; be it job loss, death of spouse, or disability. 

     Where is this coming from? Tomorrow, I am applying for food stamps. I have never had the need for public assistance, and never thought that I would have to go down to that office--the Welfare Building. I had a job that paid well, considering I didn't have a college degree. I may have loathed the job, but I still did what was asked of me--often times beyond what was asked of me. Yet, I was still fired. No, not laid off... Fired. So needless to say, it is now nerve wrecking to wait for unemployment to come through. Since I am buying my own home, I am terrified of losing it... Not to mention this puts a big damper on my future plans of relocating across country. 

       A very big damper.

     I went off course with what I was saying, hadn't I? Oh yes. Since I've never had to go to the Welfare building or have known anyone who has used food stamps, I googled it. Well, googled what I could buy and where. Of course, I punished myself by reading the negative comments that was left by some of the people. Saying that we (people who need assistance) are leeches. Or that we are stealing their money, when they could use the money themselves for their own families. Or that the tax payers should have a say in how the money (food stamps) are being spent on. 

     It was de-humanizing. I can honestly say that it broke my spirit. Not because people were saying how they felt, but because I once thought the same way. Maybe not so harshly, but in some degree. I couldn't understand why if someone was able to work, chose not to. Why should my hard earned money go to people who did not work for it? It never occurred to me that maybe they did work for it. Maybe they did pay into unemployment and now they have no choice but to collect. Maybe they feel the same trepidation when they needed to ask for government assistance. Now that I am on the other end of the stick, I am remorseful of how negatively I seen the assistance programs. 

      I can only hope that my unemployment is approved. I can only hope that I am able to get food stamps so that I can feed my house hold. I can only hope that I get call backs from the applications I've sent in. I've worked hard for what little I have. I don't want to lose it. I can't lose it. The only good thing I have going for me right now is school. I am trying to make a better life for myself. I just hope that this bump in the road, gets settled soon...

Day six

     Day six of being unemployed. It's almost weird not working, after working for ten years. I know I can't really say that I've been working for a long time, because I guess it isn't really that long, considering the age one would need to be in order to retire... I am straying off topic aren't I?

     Have you ever had one of those moments where there was so much that you wanted to say, and then when you go to say it--silence? There reflecting back on situations where I could have said whatever I wanted (like getting fired), I chose to keep my mouth shut. Why? I no longer have to worry about offending anyone, or making anyone mad. What more could they have done? No, I kept my comments on how crappy of a decision it was on their behalf and a plethora of other truthful comments to myself. I do wish I had said those things, because quite frankly, they need to be said.

     Luckily for me, I don't have to worry about that place anymore. Such a huge burden has been lifted from my shoulders, when they decided to let me go (yes, that is how he worded it...). It was not a good work environment to be in, and that is one of the reasons why I initially wanted to go into HR. I wanted to make a difference to employees who were getting crapped on by their employers, I wanted to be apart of the solution. If that even makes any sense?

     I was looking through the copies of my year end reviews, and the last one I got (last year) said that the boss would recommend me for a supervisor position. Really? How do someone go from supervisor material one year to fired within 10 months? It's beyond me. But since New Jersey is an At-Will state (which means they can fire you for wearing purple socks on St. Patty's Day) (read: for whatever reason they want... as long as it isn't discriminatory), I had no choice but to take it. It just baffles me, that's all.

     My game plan is to focus on my school work. Which means me not working and collecting unemployment until I can get an associates degree and then find a job within the field I am studying for. What ever that may be, of course. I don't know if there is a bad stigma associated with choosing to not to actively look for a new job once you find yourself without one? A part of me feels bad for willingly collecting the benefits that I've paid into. It's almost like breaking into your piggy bank.

     So... Now I have to wonder, am I apart of the 99% or the 53%? I -did- work hard for what I have. It definitely wasn't my choice to be without a job. But now it IS my choice to stay without a job in order to better myself for a better future.

     It's a conundrum!