The Power that Compels Me

     Have you ever caught yourself doing something and then in the middle of it, you have this strong need to do something else? You cannot stop thinking about it and it almost feels all consuming? I was doing some reading for my English class and I had to stop. It wasn't making any sense to me, and I was forcing the reading, because the assignment is due on Monday... I tried to focus on it, but I couldn't. I kept getting this urge to write. Write anything. Write something. So here I am. 

      I have always wanted to write. Since the age of maybe 14, I've wanted to be a writer. I love being able to create a world where anything I want to happen, can. I could shape people to be how I want them to be, react how I want them to react, dream what I wish for them to dream. In essence, I like to play God. Maybe that's why I love playing Sims so much. My Sim Stories were gritty, brutal, and had a darker spin to them then the other stories you found. I don't know what that says about me and my psyche, but they came so easily. 

     I have a collection of my poems and photos that I would love to get published. It's been a dream of mine to be published; however, I don't think people really buy poetry books unless they are from Shakespeare, Poe, Frost, or Angelou. There are probably more well known poets, I just don't know of them... Or they don't come to mind. It's a shame really...

     I am rambling--and my space bar on this laptop is getting on my nerves. 

     Maybe the compelling urge to write should have stayed away for a bit longer. Re-reading this and I sound like a crazy person just rambling. Ha! I'm going to go now...

Leper on Society

     It is no misconception that people look down on those on welfare/food stamps/public assistance. I myself had a poor attitude to those who were on these programs. Wait, nix that. I had a poor attitude towards those who ABUSE these programs. The people who are able to work and refuse to. The people who get a house for cheap prices because they are on welfare, while I struggle to keep my head afloat in a newer trailer that I am buying. People who sell their food stamps (or however that works) so they can get alcohol or illegal substances. People who do not need grants for education, but lie on applications so that they get "free money". 

     I now see how these poor attitudes and stereotypes hurt those people who genuinely need the assistance. I now understand why it is a difficult thing to swallow your pride and admit you are not making it, due to some unforeseen circumstance; be it job loss, death of spouse, or disability. 

     Where is this coming from? Tomorrow, I am applying for food stamps. I have never had the need for public assistance, and never thought that I would have to go down to that office--the Welfare Building. I had a job that paid well, considering I didn't have a college degree. I may have loathed the job, but I still did what was asked of me--often times beyond what was asked of me. Yet, I was still fired. No, not laid off... Fired. So needless to say, it is now nerve wrecking to wait for unemployment to come through. Since I am buying my own home, I am terrified of losing it... Not to mention this puts a big damper on my future plans of relocating across country. 

       A very big damper.

     I went off course with what I was saying, hadn't I? Oh yes. Since I've never had to go to the Welfare building or have known anyone who has used food stamps, I googled it. Well, googled what I could buy and where. Of course, I punished myself by reading the negative comments that was left by some of the people. Saying that we (people who need assistance) are leeches. Or that we are stealing their money, when they could use the money themselves for their own families. Or that the tax payers should have a say in how the money (food stamps) are being spent on. 

     It was de-humanizing. I can honestly say that it broke my spirit. Not because people were saying how they felt, but because I once thought the same way. Maybe not so harshly, but in some degree. I couldn't understand why if someone was able to work, chose not to. Why should my hard earned money go to people who did not work for it? It never occurred to me that maybe they did work for it. Maybe they did pay into unemployment and now they have no choice but to collect. Maybe they feel the same trepidation when they needed to ask for government assistance. Now that I am on the other end of the stick, I am remorseful of how negatively I seen the assistance programs. 

      I can only hope that my unemployment is approved. I can only hope that I am able to get food stamps so that I can feed my house hold. I can only hope that I get call backs from the applications I've sent in. I've worked hard for what little I have. I don't want to lose it. I can't lose it. The only good thing I have going for me right now is school. I am trying to make a better life for myself. I just hope that this bump in the road, gets settled soon...

For Thought...

     I have always cooked processed foods. Dehydrated potatoes, boxed macaroni and cheese, noodles and rice that have the seasonings in them already. The only thing that I cooked from "scratch" was the meat (baking doesn't count, does it?). Even the vegetables were from a package or a can. I think (probably it is) this is the reason why I am over weight. While these things are more economical, realistically... What is is costing me in the long run? I'm not getting proper nutrition, I know this. Before, I ate this way because it was cheap and convenient. Isn't that why a lot of people eat processed and pre-cooked frozen foods? 

     Maybe I will turn this into a cooking blog, like so many others that are out there. I still haven't decided on the direction I will take this. We will see.

Nice Sense of Accomplishment

     I am feeling pretty damn good today. I finally finished a paper for my Psychology class. It was giving me such a hard time, I couldn't wrap my head around what I was reading, or what we were supposed to do. I guess once I stopped trying to analyze  what I was reading and break it down, it just sort of came to me. Hopefully I get a good enough grade on it where it doesn't bring my B down too far. All that means is that I just have to work my butt off to keep the rest of the assignments top notch, JUST in case I get a bad grade on that paper. We will see though...

     Now, it's a silly reason to be excited about, but I finally got past two armies on Batheo. It's silly, but they were giving me a really hard time. Like, I could not go anywhere past Zeus or Hemera. (I'm talking as though people will know what I am talking about...) It's a fun game. Browser based and it uses flash. A little run down:

     You begin as a hero from ancient Greek Mythology (love). You work your way up and eventually join a faction. You can either align with Zeus, Poseidon, or Athena. However if you join a league before you decide, you automatically align with whatever your league is. I am a Poseidon follower... You build a city and train heros. Its a fun (and often times frustrating) game. I will blame my procrastination on that game, or on The Sims Social OR Serf Wars on Facebook. Yes, I am a game addict. Sad to say.

     Speaking of games, someone on Facebook gave me an invitation to a new game that is in Beta. It's called Glitch. Premise of that game is you live inside one of eleven gods imagination... Better yet, just click on that link and read for yourself. I couldn't possibly do the description justice. I have 3 invites if anyone is interested and would like to give it a try.

     So, yes. Today was a good Sunday. Even if I didn't do anything extraordinary. Yay for small accomplishments! And video games. ♥

Bedtime, now?

     Some days, you feel like you should have never gotten out of bed. Today is one of those days. Not only did I have a difficult time falling asleep (even though Tex was sleeping right next to me), I had to wake up early for class. Now, class isn't the problem... I was waking up at 4a four days out of the week. I can handle a 7a wake up... The class is so boring.

     Pre-Algebra. Yes, I will admit it. I am taking Pre-Algebra. I'm okay with being in that class. I've been out of school for 10 years now and math never was my strongest subject. However, when reality strikes... I feel so dumb. Last night, my cousin who is in 7th grade asked me to help her with her homework. I figured she would be doing the same math I was, and I would be able to help... Oh was I ever wrong. She is 4 chapters ahead of where I am at. It was a sad day.

      Buuuut I digress. Today. Today today today.

     Nothing really -bad- happened today. It's just one of those miserably damp kind of days. No sun, you've a chill straight down to the core. Not to mention the money issues that seem to be creeping up. I should know better than to believe things will work out smoothly. Every time I calm down and relax... I get worked up again when there is a bump in the road.

     Days like these, I wish Hanna was here. I could really use one of her hugs.

AdSense

    Making money while blogging? For good bloggers, that sounds like a good thing, but for a new blogger who doesn't have anything concrete and solid to blog about? Is it even worth it?  So far, I've only one follower (♥ Des) but come on...

     Yeeeeet, I am thinking about joining it. JUST to see what it is about and if it actually works. Well, I guess it would work considering it is a feature on here.

      Yes this is me rambling about nonsense. Yay nonsense!